


Mine To Keep For A Little While

by oorsprong



Series: That Unsteady Afterglow [8]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Changing Tenses, M/M, Movie Spoilers, Post-Canon, Regret, Some Fluff, not gonna lie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 07:37:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5997115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oorsprong/pseuds/oorsprong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s all gone to hell.</p><p>Kylo is conscious enough to recognize this as he lies on his back in the snow.  He’s going to die here.  He’d better die here because it will be preferable to what awaits him if he somehow makes it off this crumbling planet.  The hot rage coursing through him is almost enough to force his battered body to obey his commands.  Almost.</p><p>He’s never going to see Hux again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mine To Keep For A Little While

It’s all gone to hell.

 

Kylo is conscious enough to recognize this as he lies on his back in the snow.  He’s going to die here.  He’d better die here because it will be preferable to what awaits him if he somehow makes it off this crumbling planet.  The hot rage coursing through him is almost enough to force his battered body to obey his commands.  Almost.

 

He’s never going to see Hux again.

 

That traitorous thought stifles the fire; a cold spot in the smouldering place within his chest.  All that useless energy ebbs away to be replaced by resignation.  Of course he’s going to die here.  He deserves to die here.  Hux won’t miss him.  The memories of the past few weeks flicker past in a rush as he sinks into unconsciousness.

 

***

 

Hux took the unceremonious end to their liaisons as well as Kylo had assumed he would.  The hard part was shutting away the place inside that still craved his company.  Kylo had learned how to stifle attachments even before the Supreme Leader had called him.  It was like pain management; compartmentalize the hell out of every thought that led him back down the path he wished to avoid.

 

Now he envied Hux his ability to draw a sharp divide between the present and the past.  At first he’d congratulated himself on his efforts.  He no longer turned down the corridor towards Hux’s quarters out of habit.  He’d stopped waking up at night surprised to find himself alone in his own bed.  He even slept a little.  

 

He took to wearing his mask full time again.  That habit had slipped during his ill-conceived affair with the General.  Now it was only in the confines of his quarters that he dared to be without it.

 

These were small steps but they comforted him.  He had lived a long time without caring about the existence of Brendol Hux Jr. and he had all the time in the world to come back to that state of blissful ignorance.  It would all be an unpleasant footnote someday down the line.  What he hadn’t counted on was Hux mirroring his nonchalance.

 

 _How dare he_ , Kylo thought to himself every time the man dismissed him with a curt nod or responded almost pleasantly in an exchange.  How dare he be so reasonable, so… unaffected.  

 

When he’d first come abroad he had taken his ‘saber to the ship’s delicate instrumentation in a fit of rage after an incident so unnoteworthy he couldn’t even remember why he’d been angry to begin with.  Afterwards he’d been humiliated.  The Master of the Knights of Ren should have restraint.  The Supreme Leader was teaching him to hone his anger, not waste it on small matters.  Now he found comfort in his old habit of letting fury simmer over until it found an outlet.

 

Then came the betrayal by that blasted treacherous stormtrooper.  The map had been within reach and lost.  The girl had been within reach and lost.  Then Solo…

 

He couldn’t think about that; the grisly heft of it burning a hole in his memory.  He’d practiced the moment in his head a thousand times.  He could have-- and had-- committed the act of patricide in his sleep.  His dreams, nourished by Supreme Leader Snoke, had seen him dead again and again.  It wasn’t an act of revenge.  If anything it was an act of mercy.  Solo; relic of an irrelevant past and long past his prime.  What was the point of that life?    

 

But he hadn’t done it for Solo’s mercy or even his own.  He’d done it because obstacles in his path had to be eliminated.  Sometimes those were people you… were once connected to.

 

_\--He never loved me, that was their lie, you don’t push away your loved ones you don’t hold them at arm’s length you don’t--_

 

Some of those people one might call family.  But you could choose family.  Or not choose them at all.

 

After the act-- which he still had a hard time remembering, not that he’d been eager to try-- he had become, if not powerful, then at least more focused.  He’d been shot but he didn’t really remember that either.  Pain was a tool and a good one for focus so that hadn’t mattered at the time.

 

The first priority was to get to the traitors before they could escape.  No, that had been the second priority.  The first priority...

 

_\--find Hux, find Hux, find Hux, he’ll make it right--_

 

...useless.  Emotional.  So he’d upgraded the second priority.

 

What came next preyed upon the edges of his mind.  Not a memory but a rolling fog blotting away at the vision he’d constructed for himself.  It was too humiliating; like a wound that screamed every time he touched it.  He could feel around the edges carefully but he couldn’t access it directly.  

 

Then pain of a type that didn’t bring focus.

 

_If you close your eyes now you might never have to open them again.  You’ll never see him again but you’ll never see anything else either._

 

He couldn’t die here.

 

_Too late for that._

 

***

 

_“Usivvarill.”_

 

The first thing Kylo feels is a hand on his forehead.  When his eyelids crack open it’s too bright.  He winces and reaches out with the force.

 

_Brell._

 

They’re back on board the Finalizer in a room that smells of death.  It’s one of the medbays.  He’s listening to the background thoughts of a small crowd of anxious medics and one General Hux.

 

And General Hux is touching him.

 

He blinks as his eyes adjust.  Hux is speaking with the attending medic but he leaves his hand on Kylo’s forehead, smoothing back the hair there as the medic continues to drone on about his injuries.  For a moment Kylo is too startled to focus on anything but that gentle touch.  It occurs to him that the medic can see this too and his heart races at the shocking openness of the gesture.  The voices raise and then fade.  For a moment it all goes fuzzy around the edges and then there’s a voice speaking his name.

 

“Brell,” he says, his voice hoarse as though it hasn’t been used in some time.

 

The hand on his head moves to brush over his cheek.  The cool pad of a thumb runs lightly over his nose, careful to avoid the stinging flesh around the wound across his face.  His vision clears and Hux is gazing down at him with an inscrutable expression.

 

“You came back for me.”

 

“The Supreme Leader commanded it.  You’re to be brought to him once you’ve sufficiently recovered.”

 

Kylo frowns, picking up the barest trace of Hux’s thoughts and too out of sorts to care whether Hux notices.

 

“You wanted to,” it comes out like an accusation.

 

A tight smile flickers over the General’s face for an instant.  

 

“Your foolishness has cost us nearly everything, Ren.  Regardless, you’re alive.  In light of that I am having a difficult time concerning myself with the rest.  Yes, I wanted to.  You seem bound and determined to undermine my career, my reputation, and any feelings I have for you.  Congratulations on the first two.  Better luck next time on the third.”

 

Kylo swallows, blinking furiously at the sudden burn behind his eyes.

 

“You need your rest _,_ ” Hux continues, “I’ll come back to check in on you later.”

 

“Stay.”

 

“I’ve been here since we left Starkiller.  Now that you’re awake I can get back to work.  Obviously there is much to be done.  I’ll be back in a few hours.  I promise.”

 

Hux brushes Kylo’s damp hair back from his forehead again and stands.

 

“What’s that word?”  Kylo blurts out.  

 

“I didn’t say anything.”

 

“You said it before.  Ooosa-- Ooosif-arrell...”

 

“ _Usivvarill.”_ Hux sounds as though he’s being forced to confess something unpleasant.

 

“What is it?”

 

“This ship boasts a library portal with access to every language in the known galaxy.  I suggest you avail yourself of it.”

 

“Brell…”

 

Hux sighs, leans in to press a kiss against Kylo’s forehead as he murmurs, “my wealth, my treasure, my jewel beyond price.”  He pulls back a little.  “You were always Snoke’s creature.  Only mine to keep for a little while.”

 

Kylo listens to him leave, fading footsteps that echo in discord with the beat of his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> This is absolutely not the last segment. By my calculation I've got at least three to go. If you've read the series as a whole thus far you are amazing and generous and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And if you've read it here and there you are amazing and generous and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm really just thrilled that people read my work at all.
> 
> 5/11 edit: Please check out the beautiful art that [Katherine1753](http://katherine1753.tumblr.com) did for this story [here](http://katherine1753.tumblr.com/post/144112789559/katherine1753-hux-sighs-leans-in-to-press-a)


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